I miss them every day...

Blessed!

This week has been literally so SO amazing! As much as I don't like lists...I think I'm going to make one. I just have to write it out!

1. Have a five-day weekend at the end of this week.

2. Was offered extra hours at work during those days.

3. Received not one but TWO snow days this week. (Yes, I say received because I was in conflict over whether or not I should even work the extra hours, knowing I needed rest. God gave me rest so I could work!).

4. Got to spend extra time with some good friends!

5. Saw Matthew off to Zimbabwe.

6. Was told by my cousin that she surrendered to God. Wow.

This was all in three short days....mmm I'm just basking in God's light right now. So many other great things have been happening, too. I'm so encouraged to see the team that I've labored over for so many years maturing and growing enough to where my leaving will not be a negative impact. Not that I carry so much responsibility, or that I am alone responsible for the life of the group, but people have really stepped up to lead and take my place. I almost feel like a dead bud falling off a tree when a piece of fruit begins growing. I don't mind being a dead bud if I know that my death is producing fruit. :)

My life right now seems like an endless cycle. I wake up at 5 to student teach. After a long day at school I head to one or both of my jobs, then Bible study. I usually get home between 8 and 10, sometimes spend some time with Eliot if he's still around, then fall exhausted into bed. I'm just so glad that this isn't life-I have no intention of living like this in the future. Just seven more weeks and I'll be over the worst of it.... My body is going crazy because I don't have time to work out, and my mind is about to explode trying to keep track of all the things I have to do (how am I planning a wedding in the midst of all this??) Through everything God is faithful. I have everything I need (including my sanity) and I find joy every day. :)

Dreams...

I am such a dreamer. Every place I go I have vision and see potential. I love scheming and planning, and building things or people up to their utmost. The problem is, which dream do I choose? Now, don' t get me wrong, I'm not having some crisis of what to do with my life. I have a general idea of where I'm going, but it's how I'm getting there that I wonder about. Which do I want? Which am I ready to bury myself in? I still relish my freedom quite a lot...I love living in such a way that I could pack up and move across the country, or further, at a minute's notice. I love having the time to be adventurous (though not lately with student teaching), but anything really worthwhile requires deep commitment and sacrifice. I think I'mce almost there...

Also, I am SO excited for this weekend. Ann Arbor AG is hosting a conference that I believe will result in tremendous healing, growth and renewal. I BELIEVE especially for those people who will receive salvation-not that you need a conference to be saved, but I think this is the time!

Stones

"Create in my a clean heart, Oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

I am so easily pushed over by even the smallest rock in my path. Then comes anger, pounding its ugly fist through my heart, wrecking all my commitments to peach and faithfulness. Sometimes I wonder if I'm growing. I am still determined to overcome - not simply get by. As Peter would say though, after suffering for a little while, Christ himself will restore you and make you whole. Thank God for mercy.

On another note, I am so extremely distraught over these beautiful pearls that have been entrusted to us. At first I wasn't sure I could really love them, and just when my heart decided it would be empty without them, they are leaving. I could withstand any grief, however, if I only KNEW they would be safe. In one situation, they feel abandoned by the people who are supposed to be there for them no matter what, in the other, they are exposed to so many dangers. I'm so glad this choice is not up to us, I can only pray, pray, pray. God, keep your hand of love over them!

200 days!

Actually it's 192 days, but close enough. Yes, I have succumbed. I never thought I would be one of those brides who meticulously counts the days before she says "I do." I also swore I would never give in and make a "wedding website." Can't people just RSVP the old fashioned way? Curse the internet for being so dang convenient! Haha, but what am I complaining about? I'm loving this! Every day I get more and more excited for the day when mine becomes forever ours!

In the meantime, I have plenty to distract me from too many thoughts of a blissfully wedded life. Every day I wonder how I will make it through 12 or 14 hours straight, but God's grace abounds. I am always so nervous about my lessons, but they are always fantastic! One of my students wants to talk about fertility drugs!! I'm not exactly sure why she does, but it's interesting because I seem to be having LOTS of random conversation involving the female reproductive system, etc. Seriously? I'm loving it!

So it's funny, even though I'm in Germany, I have yet to interact with many Germans. So, even though I would love to write to you about the spirituality of Germany, I really don't feel qualified to bring up the subject. Still, the spiritual atmosphere here is interesting. One thing I have observed is that we NEED the body. Christ made the church the way it is for a reason, and none of us is an island. It's been a little interesting not having any brothers or sisters around so to speak. I definitely don't recommend it, but the Lord always blesses the situations we're in! I'm learning to be sensitive to His Spirit (ever a process). He is everywhere with us, and I'm learning just how much I need Him! With noone to encourage me spiritually, or really to have a heart-to-heart with, I find myself desperate for the Father's presence and guidance. The lust of the flesh is so deep here, and it is difficult not to be consumed by it. Keep me in your prayers!

I have learned a little about the spirituality of Europe overall. My friend Selene is from Italy, and I was telling her about what I do with campus ministry. She was shocked and surprised, and said she had never heard of anything like it before. The thought of a group of college-age Christians who hang out just to have fun and encourage each other was completely foreign. Church to her (and many here) is simply an institution, and laced with politics and tradition. God is very distant. He is something to point a finger at when things aren't going well. I told her I thought what God really wants is to know and be known by the people He created. Her eyes grew huge and she nodded in agreement. Please pray that God would open her eyes to His love!